Thread:Ashleyien/@comment-918376-20150707020140/@comment-918376-20150721023544

That was beautiful XD Story-wise, it was really tight. Ayame felt a bit thrown-in, really only having one main scene in the first part and being mentioned once in the third, but her scenes didn't detract from the story, so it's fine. I made a couple of grammatical/wording changes, like usual. There are a couple of sentence rewrites and suggestions to add more diversity to the sentences, which is the same issue we've talked about with Vanilla Milkshake and Truth or Dare.