Thread:Ashleyien/@comment-918376-20150707020140/@comment-918376-20150716182816

Gaia Online seems like a terrible site to me (sorry if you like it, just my opinion). I just could never understand the formatting and style of the website. I've gone on it a couple of times, though. FF.net is mostly just "I love your story" and "Please continue". It's rare to get more constructive criticism, unless it's from a friend/person that is a writer themselves and reads your works constantly. That's why I had someone proofread/go through it before I posted it, since it was easier to get critique that way.

I can always check for canonity, of course. I read a fic about Akatsuki in real life, and even though that strayed from canon a little bit (although it was retroactive; Akatsuki's canon real name was revealed much later), I liked how it was written. It was in third-person, though, if I remember correctly. I honestly can't recollect the last first-person story I read.

Is Aki Tet's real-life name? Isn't that a feminine name? And, well, Marie is a Japanese name (not sure how common, but it's a genuine name), so it could have been any Marie. I don't know much about Naotsugu's romantic life, but I had inferred that he's never had a girlfriend. At least if he did, it probably wasn't when he was working/in the past two years pre-Catastrophe.

Well, I've handwaved the note for now, to be explained in chapter 11. I've given Kinjo some minor mind manipulation abilities, which is what Coppelia was informing Rayneshia about -- Kinjo was subtly lessening her suspicions of him, allowing him to absorb some of her mana, which he used to trap the Tea Party in chapter 10.